blahhhh

i was feeling rather optimistic this morning. i had a good night's sleep and woke up early to get my day started. love those 8 ams....and class went fine. i'm one of two juniors in my public speak class, which is sort of awkward but whatever. the hardest part came when i was walking back to the house. that is usually the time that i call grandma helen. i loved to call her in between classes every day. "hi sweet pea" "hi sweet holly" "hi precious girl" i miss those comments. she would always tease me about how i sounded like i was out of breath on the phone. "honey are you walking fast? you sound of out breath" "oh grandma you know me, i hate walking slow." she would ask me about my classes and if i had done all my homework, what i was doing the rest of the day...we would chat about a funny thing that happened to me or what she had planned for the day, "well lady ate another bag of oreos..." she mostly would just listen to me. grandma was the BEST listener in the world. i would complain about everything or call her crying bc i failed an econ test or because i made a fool of myself on the first day of classes. whenever something went wrong, i could always call her. i knew that she would happily answer my phone call and calm me down instantly. and then end her phone call with "bye now" "bye grandma love you" "bye honey i love you" "love you more grandma" "honey please hang up the phone" "no grandma you hang up the phone first." sometimes i would just stay on the line to hear the line click to know that she was off the phone. i think one time we stayed on the phone silently for at least a minute, giggling under our breath that neither of us would hang up.

that's the stuff i miss. it's the walking to class and not hearing her voice. its not having that sweet little laugh in my ear. i miss her. 

so far, since its only 10:30 am, here is God's blessing: calling and talking to my sweet cousin on the phone, knowing that she would understand my missing of grandma.